A drunken stone gathers no moss.

This is where i say dumb shit and write dumb poems by request

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A Pressing Question

Have US politics been this divisive since the civil war? Parties fight each other, civilians take sides, that’s all natural, but when was the last time we were at a point where a sitting democrat US president would advocate republican policies for a large portion of his term and still have them call him a Muslim?

For that matter, when since the 60s/70s have we been at a point where blatant racism/islamophobia (same thing) was not only tolerated but accepted? People building their campaigns on racism. Newt Gingrich calling President Obama the “food stamp president”, wonderful dogwhistle politics. Santorum saying he doesn’t want to give black people food stamps, he wants to give them the means to earn their own food, disregarding the fact that there’s far more white people on foodstamps than black people. Why did he single out Black Americans for it, if not for pure racism?

Look at any syndicated political cartoonist. Barack Obama is portrayed with big blue lips, Michelle Obama is portrayed as a big fat unattractive person, their children are portrayed as “thugs” (code for n*gg*rs). This is something people get paid for. If a political cartoonist like Chuck Asay or Sean Delonas did a portrait of the Obama family, it would be a perfect amalgamation of every type of bigotry at once. Racism, misogyny, xenophobia, Islamophobia, they’d even figure out a way to work homophobia into it.

We are living in post-slavery America’s darkest time. Every politician is bound to denounce every Middle-Eastern state that isn’t Israel. Israel, by the way, is a Fascist state under its current government. Most Israeli citizens oppose the war-mongering policies of their government. The rising left-wing in Israel is incredibly inspiring. They’ve had anti-Palestinian bigotry shoved down their throats for their entire lives and they still simply believe in equality.

And yet American politicians hold to the the demands of our right-wing Christians. The people who, in reality, are the most anti-Semitic, but they’re hedging their bets on the biblical apocalypse. We support Israel so strongly because THE BIBLE. Really?

But forget Israel, let’s just look at the facts. TRAP laws are springing up across the nation. These laws are specifically designed to box out Roe V Wade and absolutely destroy a woman’s right to choose. Look at the Republican party’s full-on opposition to the idea of birth control being covered mandatorily. Catholics, who are the strictest about birth control, still support BC coverage by a large majority.

We live in an age of a war on women, a war on ethnic minorities, a war on homosexuals, a war on trans people, a war on the poor, a war on everyone except the people that make up our governing body. And there’s literally no way to counteract it through voting. Because of policies sent down from those before us, you can’t get elected to any significant position unless you’re a cisgendered straight male, usually white, and insanely rich. There are some exceptions, but they have no power.

This is a Part One post. Look forward to part two where I cite probably over 50 mainstream media links that show how fucked we really are.

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A GOOSE THAT IS HIGH ON COKE OR SOMETHING (a request by @alexfurlin)

twitching and he feels sore, eyes are burning, head is achy;
heart is beating faster than a locomotive filled with methamphetamines
and he’s in love with everything but tired like a ketamine
addict, burning with anticipation like he smells eggs and bakey.

he’s got the shakes and his bill is covered in his own dander;
his wings are shaking but he really loves the thrill of it,
his every muscles convulses and his eyes remain still but it
doesn’t change his predicament so just take a gander

at this strung out fucker with everything at stake;
he hasn’t got the wheelchair but he is still a Drake

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YO @REALDAVEIMBODEN HAPPY BIRTHDAY

It’s the real Dave Imboden, not an imposter,
emboldened by the forties he’s holdin’ which foster
a level of courage only found in OE,
and he screams YEAH YOU KNOW ME to reincarnated OGs
risen from the ashes of a half-dead culture
‘cause today’s sucker MCs botched the sepulture;
they left a few too many nails out of the casket
slowed down on purple drank and even yay couldn’t mask it.

So now we’ve got a bunch of rottin’-ass rappers
popping out of the grave so give LA a wide berth,
‘cause as they say when there’s no room left in Cuba
Tupac will once again walk the earth;
Biggie’s eating those who won’t call him big poppa
and Rev Run’s trying to bring back Adidas,
Eazy-E’s spreading the hiv all over
and he won’t stop yelling about his penis;
Alliya somehow got involved
and Dirt Mcgirt’s just squirtin’ blood out his gums,
now this nation needs a hero and it found him;
a handsome young man who can handle his rum.

Yes just as situation reached crisis levels
a guy named Dave stumbled onto the scene,
and sure he was looking pretty disheveled
but the dude was rough ‘n’ tumble - tall, lean, and mean;
Hapless citizens rushed straight past him
and he tripped toward a hydrant, landing right on his gourd,
but he got to his feet and was aghast at what he saw-
a rhyme-spittin’, pipe-hittin’ shambling horde;
He gathered his thoughts and clamored for solutions,
thinking quick but not rushing because he knew better
than to jeopardize things by jumping to conclusions,
then he smiled because he knew he’d come out unfettered.

As the creatures came closer, he gathered his courage
and stood his ground in the face of death-stalkers,
then he spit the lines he knew could bring anyone down,
through tight lips he said WAKA WAKA FLOCKA FLAME
WAKA FLOCKA FLAME
WAKA FLOCKA FLAME
WAKA FLOCKA FLAME.

And as quickly as they had risen, the abominations had had enough,
they sank back into the earth and then Dave boned a bunch of chicks and stuff.

THE END?!

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Beer Review: Fireside Chat

Today I will be reviewing the hell out of Fireside Chat Winter Spiced Ale from the 21st Amendment Brewing Company. I will also include a bonus Bad Beer Review because ever since that guy told me to review Keystone Ice or Light or whatever it was, I’ve thought that was a good idea.

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In Which I Review Some Below-Average Beers

(Disclaimer: I usually hate when people curse a whole bunch in writing because I think it’s lazy, but I was incredibly hammered when I wrote this.)

I went to the pizza place today. The pizza place is where I buy all my beer because it is cheap as fuck. Their 50-cent special today was Long Trail’s various beers so I bought a random mix of 12 of them. I will now review these stupid beers. Also, allow me to give one disclaimer: I do not know shit about fancy beer words and all that “hoppy” or whatever bullshit. I say what I taste and that’s it. I’ve been drinking way too heavily for 7 years. I know what the fuck I like and don’t like.

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I got a theory

Freshman Representative James Lankford

Cletus Kasady - Serial killer/Supervillain

I think you see where I’m going with this.

James Lankford

Cletus Kasady

CLEARLY, Madame Web has breached the gap between Kasady’s world and ours, and brought him in for some evil purpose. God only knows what carnage may ensue. (Get it.)

I promise next time I post something it will be a poem.

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A request by my favorite Marine

My hangover was directing my day, as has often been the case over the years. As usual, I avoided any scenario that may involve loud talking or clapping. Weaving through back alleys, dodging parades, fucking off from any attempt at stranger-conversation, I made my way home.

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CoIaU: Episode Two: Discriminate Harder

She started things off beautifully with a rousing performance of “pro-choice advocates are trying to restart Hitler’s eugenics program.” A stunning performance; my heart wept. Looking around the class at all the vacant heads nodding along in agreement, I felt truly alone. I felt like one solitary ant in a mound of termites. I felt like Ryan Reynolds in Buried except instead of a coffin, I was in an uncomfortable chair. Instead of being buried in dirt, I was buried in mouth-breathing idiots; I’d never gasp for air, lest I risk inhaling their hot cheeto breath.

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